Creepiness~

My mum found a dead kitten behind the clothes rack. It was a sibling of nikolina and the body already decayed when it was found. I was so scared and i cried. I can't describe it properly because everything seems so blank and scary and creepy. My body was shaking when i tried to move it. I hope i won't have a nightmare tonight. I am really scared.

I want to call him but i know i'm asking too much.

Chance of Restart

I used to love you

It was a rough feeling

If felt so insecure

As I know who you were

You were a player.

I cared too much

until I pained you

The good perception was gone

The good chance was shattered

I knew I had lost you.

Then I loved him

He made me forgot

The wrongdoings I had done

Yet you still forgave me

and we started fresh again.

It wasn't awkward at all

being besides you

As I loved him

and I have you by my side

I was lucky.

Then you left

I never know it could left a hole

I continued to love him

and he made me happy

but he can't fill the hole left by you.

Soon you came back

A new you, a better you

The hole was filled

by your existence

and I felt very grateful.

But you filled the space too much

I was in denial of loving him

too often until it became a habit

I told about him to you

to make me forget about you.

At last I gave up

I can't fight the unrequited love for him

I let him go because I know he will be loved

by a good person like her

But what about me?

Since then I keep thinking about you

the person who owns my heart well

it's too soon to root the love

like I did to him

But we never know if we never try.

Can I love you?

Despite all the things I had done to you

Will you accept me for who I am

Despite all the things I am lacking

Do we stand a chance?

To my idiot boyfriend/best friend

I know him but i know you better. I chose you but you betrayed me. He never cared for me but you did. That's where the pain is more. If you pushed me like he did, then i won't have this feeling for you. You are my best friend, you want for more but yet, you are afraid to have commitment. Thank you very much, coward for leave me in a limbo when i knew there was a boundary between us. If you be like anyone else, say hi and just that, maybe i won't be paralysed like this. But you dared talked to me, called me, gave me hopes and denied everything that i suspected. Then you left me and gave a reason you were busy. If i was just an idiot, if i was so clueless that there was something between us, then i wouldn't feel the way you stabbed me at the back. I thought you knew, history taught us. We got trust issues, remember? Guess you failed in history because you forgot what i am capable of. I can crush you. *evil laughs

Boyfriend drama, again >·<

This gap year teaches me a lot. I lost my love and found a new one, who is an old history. I tried my best to cherish him like i used to, but i can't because trust issues always a problem between us. It makes me want to go to him, again. The one with the capital FAAL. This is my choice and this is my life. Let me decide before the deadline closed.

I can't love you like i loved him. It is too soon for me to plant those deep feelings for you. It took two years for me to have faith on him, trusted him, loved him no matter what he did. You are my best friend, you should know better. We had history and it always me. Let's not push it, shall we? Let's put our friendship in hiatus so that let me decide who owns my heart.

Guys' rule

- they hate it when you talk about your current crush/ex
- they hate it when you keep talking about your weight and how you sacrifice yourself to look good
- they hate it when you control them just like they hate it when you still talking when they stop
- they hate it when you butt into their private lives albeit you are confirmed to be theirs
- they just hate it when you start being silly whereas they hate it when you're asking for more
- they hate it when they can't control you
- guys just hate whatever girls do; they just love what they love
- they hate it when you can't understand them like they think they understand you well
*these facts are super shit

Commitment is too early for me

I got over with FA and decided to settle myself with MFZ. Yesterday, i had a bad dream about how my dad found put about our relationship (technically we're just friends, but in my dream, we were something else). The setting was at school or plkn or even my house, o can't remember. Many stuffs were mixed and then suddenly my dad said i was a slut (in my dream >·<) and he said to MFZ how he (MFZ) couldn't take the commitment and how he let it go about going to a different camp with farrah, how i frustrated like crazy and my dad really sounded angry. So, i woke up in the middle of my dad's madness, which makes me freaking creepy.

Moral of the story : Don't have a serious commitment with MFZ. It's dangerous. I know in my dream, but in reality also in the same way. DO NOT SETTLE DOWN WITH ANYBODY RIGHT NOW. I AM TOO YOUNG AND TOO IMMATURE FOR THAT!

80 facts about MFZ

- he is hardworking and ambitious to achieve things
- he loves indon songs and into the blues and balads
- he believe he has a great sense of humor
- he loves romance movies and feeling scared with scary movies
- he is the last son in the family
- he changes his ambition from a doctor to an engineer
- he looks best when he wears a set of baju melayu with songkok
- he looks good in black
- he has issues about socialising in the morning and really socialise at night
- he always play badminton as a sport
- he loves to ignore people who makes him bored/displeased/clueless
- he was a badass back then, used to be a player
- he tends to make girls fall in love with him
- he is the most good-looking in the family
- he respects his brothers, especially the eldest very much
- he is hardly have a physical mental breakdown
- he can be open and can be very secretive about his private life
- he rocks in physics and add math
- when he has nothing to say, he just hang up on the phone with a quick bye
- he tends to call his friends when he does not hear news from the friends more than 3 days
- he is very talkative but a good listener, too
- people always have rumors about him
- he is super forgiving and follow the concept, forgive and forget
- he treasures his friends when it comes to rough time
- he loves to do random stuff, one of his sense of humor
- nothing can stop him when he is confident
- he never yell at people even at his worst temper, just a word that is worse than yelling
- he is well-mannered
- he brought a tupperware bottle to school
- his accent makes people wonders where is he from
- he has a voice that makes people feel safe
- he is quite professional handling tasks
- he loves to be formal with lots of sense of humor
- he loves to give advice to people
- he does not like to have bad blood with people
- he is a sweet talker
- people always misunderstand his way of approach
- he thinks wearing sweaters and caps are cool
- he wears a pair of spectacles
- his smile is almost a smirk
- he has a dull laugh, hahaha
- his voice sounds like he's eating something
- he hardly sweats except during sports
- he smells nice
- he has an ideal weight with a slim build
- he wears long-sleeves shirts more than the short ones but lately, he does not give a damn about sleeves
- his pencilbox is small and his stationeries are also small
- he eats politely
- he has some kind of aura, makes all people attracted by his presence
- he really cares about hygeine
- no matter what time his sleeps, he wakes up early
- he is kind of nerd
- he has lots of friends, there is no specific circle in friends
- he loves and cares about his friends
- he loves to eat bread than rice
- he hates when his hands are dirty
- he has issues about spectacles should not be cleaned by using tissues
- he wears his watch on the left
- older people adores him (eg. teachers, aunties, seniors)
- he does not have issues about people touching his things
- he loves to sing
- he keeps himself busy so that he won't feel bored
- he's not into games, more into socialise with people
- he talks comfortably with people to lessen the awkwardness
- he's kind of blurred, sometimes
- he really takes a good care of his body
- he does not really care about people around him
- he always think the best about people
- he analyses things quietly
- he does not eat oily food
- his emotions are unreadable
- his actions are unpredictable
- he has many potential, he just needs to choose the best potential
- he can read books on a moving vehicle