I still love him even though I know I can't get him. I already accept it willingly and try to love that guy who had a past. He's not helping, he's not healing me. He just continue to give me a wake up call that I can't simply go to him when buddy buddy holding hands couldn't be mine after all. I'm trying but then I think this is no longer a priority. I have commitment now. I need to fly. I need to fulfill jpa's requirement. Enough playing games. Enough broken hearts. At least, I've grown. I don't need him desperately like I did with sal. What more do I want? Shouldn't I be grateful with what I have? Alhamdulillah, Allah protects me. I have opened my eyes. High school is done. First semester is done. Now it is second semester. I only got 3.08. I don't even get a single A. My SAT sucks. 1520 for the retest. My TOEFL needs to retake. If I got enroll to UW (insyaAllah), I have to participate in academic English program, which quite sucks because the requirement for exemption is 92 and I got 91. So close. I need to score this semester. I know it's a very tough semester. But I have to. I have no choice. Even if I am not destined to be a freshman, I really want to fly. It's hurt, the disappointment. At least, I want to be in a comfort zone. Maybe 3.50 for this new semester. It is not sufficient to be a freshman, but it does make me glad. I'm not going to kill myself for this worldly thing. It is too much for me. So my 2015 goal is:
- study hard, so hard that even if I don't get a reasonable result, I know I've done a great job.
- take a healthy diet, more caffeine, less fat
- be a good Muslim
The last one is the hardest��
