Some people are simply born to be popular and be pitch perfect in everything. I, on the other hand is somehow different. When everyone kept doing teenage things, I started my day by reading a finance book. I am very close with my father, so I always talk to him and everyone in the family. Despite the fact that many people will say they had unforgettable memories with their friends, I would say that school is a sacred place for me to study. It is not because I am a genius or whatsoever, I just realize after I graduated from my high school that I do not how to socialize. Based on the test that I've conducted online, it can be concluded that I am more mature than my real age.
As early as the age of seven, I got bullied by my childhood friends. Due to that, I had an inferiority complex. I rarely expressed my opinion about things, because I was afraid that they might be laughing at me and I would be friendless. Even though I was quite a spoiled brat, I never complained that matter to my parents how I feel like I did not fit with this generation and how I felt that being one of them was burdening and I could not be myself. Since my discovery of the limitation that I find in myself to react with the outside world, I started to think that school is just a place to study and home is home. I was no longer doing my school work at home and finished everything at school because I felt that school is like a workplace that I have to be committed on.
During my transition from primary school to high school, I just realized that friends do come and go. Each person goes to separate ways and it is time to say goodbye. Deep inside, I felt glad that I had grown up by age; I would not meet those fake people ever again. Luckily, I found my best friends during my secondary school. However, there were times that I cannot talk to them, something that goes beyond the thinking of our ages. I would randomly talk about diverse topics that got to do with this world but they just would not understand. They would just said, "Oh, this topic is too heavy, let's move on. So, what do you think about my crush?" and stuffs that teenagers would talk about. So, again, I would go home and discuss my opinions with my father. The problem is that it became too serious that I did not make friends with my peers, until I have friends as old as my dad.
As to why I usually act like I am very childish when I am with my peers. Conversations like talking about crushes and wearing beautiful clothes are something that I have to pretend to be interested in just so I would look clicked with these folks. To be honest, I do not really care what I wear at class or whether there will be a new movie in the cinemas or whatnot. It feels frustrating inside when I cannot be something in between, a normal person. The fact that I have three elder sisters that can make me more civilized seem not working for me. They are born normal; they would not understand how I feel. My mother will treat us indifferently, but my father notices that I am different. However, lately, my mother seem to notice, too that I rarely talk about my friends compared with my sisters and she suspected me to be friendless. But that was never the case; I never belong to be with these folks.
Therefore, I made many resolutions to innovate my life, to make myself be normal like others. I made conversations with people like other people normally do. I will fan girling just like other girls will be when they are talking about a movie star and I will wear some makeups just so my complexion look good and approachable to everyone. Nevertheless, I would be doing something that my mental age will do. I would become a workaholic and reading novels while writing poems. As to why I have blogs and social media so that I would be balanced as myself and the superficial me. As a conclusion, nobody can understand me well like I understand myself and I really hope that I will find someone that actually have the same fate as me, so that I know that all this while I am never alone.
